I've been accused of being very selfish by a lot of people recently. Only one of them has come out and used the word selfish, but in their own words it has all be the same.
The interesting about being labeled as selfish is, at this point in my life, I cannot argue with that.
I am selfish. My first priority in my life is myself.
Jaw dropping silence!
We have all be conditioned to give to others, to sacrifice our things for those in need, and to give of ourselves relentlessly! Now, I do agree with this... to a point. I am very compassionate and caring and often give of my time and material things for those I love, but I'm talking about not sacrificing YOU and your energy. Do not take it to a point that our well being is compromised.
Human beings have needs. The need to eat, to drink, to breath, the survive, to love and be loved. These are our physical needs, but each individual is driven on in life by their emotional needs too. Some of these emotional needs we meet by ourselves, others are met by the relationships with other people.
When our needs are not being met then it is partly our fault that we are unhappy. We put those in our life who we have expectations to meet our needs. It's time to be selfish and remove those who don't meet our needs as easily as we let them in.
If a person doesn't care about your needs then they don't care about you, and they shouldn't be in a place where they can continue to make you unhappy.
Yes, I'm selfish. I think that everyone should take the time and be selfish. It's refreshing and exhilarating to do things only for you!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Challenge: Redefine Social Definitions.
Unrealistic Definitions;
Abortion- Is a form of punishment for the crime of wishing not to be pregnant. (Adrienne Rich, Of Woman Born, 265-69)
I won't speak on Abortion much in my blog. It's hard for me to talk about, because its an issue of morality. And I believe that each person is entitled to their own stance on issues of morality. Some may not seem Abortion as an issue of morality, but this is my blog and while I am open to listening to other opinions and being educated. Education is about being able to make an informative decision and take a stance. I won't talk about my stance of abortion and why I feel the way I do. I will, however, address this definition.
The word choice of punishment and crime is so appropriate. Many consider a woman not wanting to give life to a baby a crime, and the punishment is a procedure in which society often frowns upon and detests. It an abortion, to some persons, is like wearing The Scarlet Letter. A = abortion. And woman are ostracized for wearing this letter of shame.
I should not even have to challenge my readers on how to redefine this definition in their own lives. Even if you believe abortion is wrong or right, the fact of the matter is, that it happens. That it is not your choice. Maybe you do consider it a bad act, but before you look at the bad acts of the woman you plan to plaster with the letter of shame. Look at your own life, what could we punish you for?
Homophobia- The fear of feelings of love for members of one's own sex and therefore the hatred of those feelings in others. (Audre Lorder, Sister Outsider; Essays and Speeches, 45)
Fear is an acceptable emotion. Everyone fears the things that they do not know and that they do not understand. The most recommended way of eliminating our fears is by becoming educated on them. For example, I once had a fear of snakes. After extensive research I learned which snakes I needed to fear and how to tell them apart from the ones that could not harm me.
It is perfectly reasonable for someone to fear a lesbian, a gay man, or a transgendered individual. You fear because you do not understand. Hatred is the product of uneducated fear. After experiencing fear, ask questions. Don't manifest hatred.
Lesbian- A social identification of a woman-identified woman. A concept which causes many people discomfort.
Wow. Who can point on the issues with this definition?
First, the term lesbian is not just a social identification, it is a sexual identity. Lesbian is an English term used to identify a female homosexual or the sexual and romantic desires of between females. The term woman-identified woman comes from a manifesto that shares the same name that was written in the 1970's by a group of lesbians. While the term at that point relates to lesbians and their relations to and with other woman. This definition, in my opinion, paints all woman who may or may not relate to her female sisters as a lesbian. Those who relate to woman to move forward in their place in society could be slapped with the term above. Those type of woman often cause discomfort in the male normative society (That's a different article LOL) in which we live.
Orgasm- Feeling of intense sexual pleasure as the vagina goes into rhythmic muscular contractions.... May be repeated indefinitely... a total body experience. - cited in Cheris Kramarae and Paula A. Treichler, A Feminist Dictionary.
I think this is a beautiful definition of an orgasm. And what should be taught to you woman as they grow. Often orgasm is taught with sex. And sex is often taught wit h love. By readjusting to this definition and teaching it from this point forward. It is encouraging an orgasm as an experience. Not one that has to be shared with another human being, but one that you can give yourself, and one that you can enjoy. That the individual can enjoy it because it is a a 'body experience' and it is your body. Enjoy what your body does and not what someone does to your body.
Abortion- Is a form of punishment for the crime of wishing not to be pregnant. (Adrienne Rich, Of Woman Born, 265-69)
I won't speak on Abortion much in my blog. It's hard for me to talk about, because its an issue of morality. And I believe that each person is entitled to their own stance on issues of morality. Some may not seem Abortion as an issue of morality, but this is my blog and while I am open to listening to other opinions and being educated. Education is about being able to make an informative decision and take a stance. I won't talk about my stance of abortion and why I feel the way I do. I will, however, address this definition.
The word choice of punishment and crime is so appropriate. Many consider a woman not wanting to give life to a baby a crime, and the punishment is a procedure in which society often frowns upon and detests. It an abortion, to some persons, is like wearing The Scarlet Letter. A = abortion. And woman are ostracized for wearing this letter of shame.
I should not even have to challenge my readers on how to redefine this definition in their own lives. Even if you believe abortion is wrong or right, the fact of the matter is, that it happens. That it is not your choice. Maybe you do consider it a bad act, but before you look at the bad acts of the woman you plan to plaster with the letter of shame. Look at your own life, what could we punish you for?
Homophobia- The fear of feelings of love for members of one's own sex and therefore the hatred of those feelings in others. (Audre Lorder, Sister Outsider; Essays and Speeches, 45)
Fear is an acceptable emotion. Everyone fears the things that they do not know and that they do not understand. The most recommended way of eliminating our fears is by becoming educated on them. For example, I once had a fear of snakes. After extensive research I learned which snakes I needed to fear and how to tell them apart from the ones that could not harm me.
It is perfectly reasonable for someone to fear a lesbian, a gay man, or a transgendered individual. You fear because you do not understand. Hatred is the product of uneducated fear. After experiencing fear, ask questions. Don't manifest hatred.
Lesbian- A social identification of a woman-identified woman. A concept which causes many people discomfort.
Wow. Who can point on the issues with this definition?
First, the term lesbian is not just a social identification, it is a sexual identity. Lesbian is an English term used to identify a female homosexual or the sexual and romantic desires of between females. The term woman-identified woman comes from a manifesto that shares the same name that was written in the 1970's by a group of lesbians. While the term at that point relates to lesbians and their relations to and with other woman. This definition, in my opinion, paints all woman who may or may not relate to her female sisters as a lesbian. Those who relate to woman to move forward in their place in society could be slapped with the term above. Those type of woman often cause discomfort in the male normative society (That's a different article LOL) in which we live.
Orgasm- Feeling of intense sexual pleasure as the vagina goes into rhythmic muscular contractions.... May be repeated indefinitely... a total body experience. - cited in Cheris Kramarae and Paula A. Treichler, A Feminist Dictionary.
I think this is a beautiful definition of an orgasm. And what should be taught to you woman as they grow. Often orgasm is taught with sex. And sex is often taught wit h love. By readjusting to this definition and teaching it from this point forward. It is encouraging an orgasm as an experience. Not one that has to be shared with another human being, but one that you can give yourself, and one that you can enjoy. That the individual can enjoy it because it is a a 'body experience' and it is your body. Enjoy what your body does and not what someone does to your body.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Challenge; Don't Rock the Boat Baby!
http://www.counciloftribes.com/ has an amazing program that is centered around teaching. The Dominant and Submissive training program is centered around the education of individuals in the BDSM lifestyle in which they have chosen to pursue. I fully support this program and hope that it continues in full force in the future.
This weekend I had the opportunity to attend one of their wonderful discussions. M D/s partner is the coordinator for the Oklahoma program and my other D/s partner is a student in the program. Sometime I get the opportunity to go so that my Top can try the things on me. This was different, since the head of my family was teaching a class on Leather and GLBT issues she saw this as a wonderful opportunity to teach me as her student. She is, after all my life coach. I always learn so many things from her, but this weekend I took away a new idea.
What I have to say is my own opinion and does not represent any of the attendees this weekend nor is a teaching or belief of the Council of Tribes. I took away what I needed to take away. THIS IS MY OWN OPINION!
The question was posed; "Does the Leather/Kink community have any right in Gay Pride Parade?"
At first, this question almost seemed stupid. In my head, of course we deserve there. However, as the question was explained in detail, I started to wonder if the Leather/Kink should back off some at a Pride Parade.
First off, I feel we should all take pride in our sexual choices and lifestyles, and there is nothing to be ashamed about. The different pride parades were created to offer education, area's of tolerance, and celebration of same sex love. Patrons on the side of the road often time include children who have come to support the rights of their two Mommy's.
The idea is, homosexuality should be accepted as heterosexuality. That a male/male couple should be allowed to walk down the street without complaint, just like a male/female couple. It's not about the sex life you choose to live. It is their to support what is acceptable in public.
BDSM/Kink/Leather or not things that we do on an everyday, run of the mill, walk out to the grocery store basis. If I saw someone spanking their partner in a grocery store, I would be quite angry.
While we are fighting for a our sexual rights, we are not fighting for the right to practice BDSM in public. Hetrosexual people do not fight for the right to fuck each other in an elementary school. While children should be taught about education, I feel that there is privacy issue where sex is involved. Sex/Kink/Leather has much more sexual undertones then the basic human right to marry whomever we choose.
My challenge is, be prideful of your choices and don't back done, but at a family friendly pride parade, don't strap a spanking bench to a float and practice sadomasochistic activities as you move down the street.
This weekend I had the opportunity to attend one of their wonderful discussions. M D/s partner is the coordinator for the Oklahoma program and my other D/s partner is a student in the program. Sometime I get the opportunity to go so that my Top can try the things on me. This was different, since the head of my family was teaching a class on Leather and GLBT issues she saw this as a wonderful opportunity to teach me as her student. She is, after all my life coach. I always learn so many things from her, but this weekend I took away a new idea.
What I have to say is my own opinion and does not represent any of the attendees this weekend nor is a teaching or belief of the Council of Tribes. I took away what I needed to take away. THIS IS MY OWN OPINION!
The question was posed; "Does the Leather/Kink community have any right in Gay Pride Parade?"
At first, this question almost seemed stupid. In my head, of course we deserve there. However, as the question was explained in detail, I started to wonder if the Leather/Kink should back off some at a Pride Parade.
First off, I feel we should all take pride in our sexual choices and lifestyles, and there is nothing to be ashamed about. The different pride parades were created to offer education, area's of tolerance, and celebration of same sex love. Patrons on the side of the road often time include children who have come to support the rights of their two Mommy's.
The idea is, homosexuality should be accepted as heterosexuality. That a male/male couple should be allowed to walk down the street without complaint, just like a male/female couple. It's not about the sex life you choose to live. It is their to support what is acceptable in public.
BDSM/Kink/Leather or not things that we do on an everyday, run of the mill, walk out to the grocery store basis. If I saw someone spanking their partner in a grocery store, I would be quite angry.
While we are fighting for a our sexual rights, we are not fighting for the right to practice BDSM in public. Hetrosexual people do not fight for the right to fuck each other in an elementary school. While children should be taught about education, I feel that there is privacy issue where sex is involved. Sex/Kink/Leather has much more sexual undertones then the basic human right to marry whomever we choose.
My challenge is, be prideful of your choices and don't back done, but at a family friendly pride parade, don't strap a spanking bench to a float and practice sadomasochistic activities as you move down the street.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Challenge: SSC and RACK- Promote it, Embrace it, Practice it!
http://newsok.com/beating-case-reveals-fetish/article/3511030#ixzz14Ne7jj61
First off, the person being accused of non-consensual BDSM bad behavior has more then one strike on their record.That being said, the individual on trial is not whom I will addressing in this issue. I think his actions are clearly pointed as negative actions in the BDSM world without my words of wisdom. It is the 'victim' whom I feel needs to be straitened out.
It is one thing to accurately press charges when a BDSM relationship becomes non-consensual and crosses over to abusive. It is another thing to do it, involve the authorities, then pretend to 'take it back.' The fact of the matter is, for there to be even a shadow of a doubt in this girls mind that her partner was abusive... then he probably was.
So what do I think happened? I think she is like any other unstable, young woman around the world who is stuck in an abusive relationship because she doesn't know how to get out of it. So many incidents are reported where woman are beaten and abused, but even when the authorities are involved they defend their abusive partners. It makes me sick that woman are weak enough to believe that abusive men are their only option.
The horrible part is, this certain situation attempts to blame it BDSM.
It hurts those of us who are fighting for education, understanding, and sexual freedom, when there are individual who are unintentionally sabotaging our work, and sabotaging the whole practice of BDSM all together. It is cases like this one that can convince the government, especially one as conservative as Oklahoma, to make BDSM practices illegal. Sure, it is taboo at this point, but most officials will look the other way as long as we practice the SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consesual) and RACK (Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink) which a majority of good BDSMers practice.
***UPDATE***
Thank you to the wonderful Beth, who enlightened me to more education. I am, after all, a student and learning myself. Here is an article on woman in abusive relationships and more knowledge about those situations.
http://www.womensweb.ca/violence/dv/leave.php
First off, the person being accused of non-consensual BDSM bad behavior has more then one strike on their record.That being said, the individual on trial is not whom I will addressing in this issue. I think his actions are clearly pointed as negative actions in the BDSM world without my words of wisdom. It is the 'victim' whom I feel needs to be straitened out.
It is one thing to accurately press charges when a BDSM relationship becomes non-consensual and crosses over to abusive. It is another thing to do it, involve the authorities, then pretend to 'take it back.' The fact of the matter is, for there to be even a shadow of a doubt in this girls mind that her partner was abusive... then he probably was.
So what do I think happened? I think she is like any other unstable, young woman around the world who is stuck in an abusive relationship because she doesn't know how to get out of it. So many incidents are reported where woman are beaten and abused, but even when the authorities are involved they defend their abusive partners. It makes me sick that woman are weak enough to believe that abusive men are their only option.
The horrible part is, this certain situation attempts to blame it BDSM.
It hurts those of us who are fighting for education, understanding, and sexual freedom, when there are individual who are unintentionally sabotaging our work, and sabotaging the whole practice of BDSM all together. It is cases like this one that can convince the government, especially one as conservative as Oklahoma, to make BDSM practices illegal. Sure, it is taboo at this point, but most officials will look the other way as long as we practice the SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consesual) and RACK (Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink) which a majority of good BDSMers practice.
***UPDATE***
Thank you to the wonderful Beth, who enlightened me to more education. I am, after all, a student and learning myself. Here is an article on woman in abusive relationships and more knowledge about those situations.
http://www.womensweb.ca/violence/dv/leave.php
Friday, November 5, 2010
Challenge: Be the Change.
I have a few friends on campus in which I enjoy sharing a lunch table with. Most of them are LGBT individuals, and like me, feel exiled from the greater traditional, conservative campus.
Usually, our meal times are full of laughter and fun, but often times I find myself having to teach them about the lifestyle that they have chosen to live.
For example, J was talking to me about his surprise trip to a town three hours away from our campus to meet a boy. I have known J for a few month now and I have heard him talk about his boyfriend on several occasions, and I knew for a fact that his boyfriend did not live in the quaint Oklahoma town he spoke off.
I asked him about his boyfriend, and he proceeded to list several reasons of defense for his actions, "Well he has a fuck buddy on the side." And "Well nothing happened." The excuses that poured from his mouth proved that his actions made him guilty.
I looked him directly in the eye and said, "Seriously, J, be the change." He stared back at me in confusion and I went on to explain what my words meant.
Heterosexuals have a misunderstanding of the Queer community. Most assume that it has no values or standards and that all individuals in our community are promiscuous while in committed relationships. While I cannot defend the entire community from this action, I CAN challenge people to shed positive light for the skeptical heterosexuals by changing the behavior.
If you want the opportunity to have multiple partners don't be in a monogamous relationship. You are hurting the partner in which you are committed too. It makes you look bad and it represents a lack of integrity in our community. Monogomy isn't the only way and neither is Polyamory. However, neither one of them can exists inside the other. Be open and honest with your partner or you risk loosing them. You also risk limiting your amount of sexual partners because of your reputation for being a cheater and a sneak.
Be the change.
Usually, our meal times are full of laughter and fun, but often times I find myself having to teach them about the lifestyle that they have chosen to live.
For example, J was talking to me about his surprise trip to a town three hours away from our campus to meet a boy. I have known J for a few month now and I have heard him talk about his boyfriend on several occasions, and I knew for a fact that his boyfriend did not live in the quaint Oklahoma town he spoke off.
I asked him about his boyfriend, and he proceeded to list several reasons of defense for his actions, "Well he has a fuck buddy on the side." And "Well nothing happened." The excuses that poured from his mouth proved that his actions made him guilty.
I looked him directly in the eye and said, "Seriously, J, be the change." He stared back at me in confusion and I went on to explain what my words meant.
Heterosexuals have a misunderstanding of the Queer community. Most assume that it has no values or standards and that all individuals in our community are promiscuous while in committed relationships. While I cannot defend the entire community from this action, I CAN challenge people to shed positive light for the skeptical heterosexuals by changing the behavior.
If you want the opportunity to have multiple partners don't be in a monogamous relationship. You are hurting the partner in which you are committed too. It makes you look bad and it represents a lack of integrity in our community. Monogomy isn't the only way and neither is Polyamory. However, neither one of them can exists inside the other. Be open and honest with your partner or you risk loosing them. You also risk limiting your amount of sexual partners because of your reputation for being a cheater and a sneak.
Be the change.
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